maggie strong.

choices.

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I hate to think that “Life is too short” because it makes me think like I’m going to die. I know, I’m going to die, we’re all going to die, it’s just different now. 

I got gas today and went inside to pay the cashier. There was a woman in line ahead of me just standing there waiting. The cashier said she would be right with us, that she had another customer who needed to run outside to their wallet. I stood here with my hand on my hip, probably with a disgusted look on my face and stood there, waiting. I find myself getting very anxious now, more than usual, especially when I’m in public. I know this sounds ridiculous but I feel like I need to make everyone stop and listen to me, “Stop! I have cancer! Get out of my way!”. See, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s how I feel. 

The customer came running to the cashier, paid for her food and thanked everyone for their patience. I genuinely smiled and took a deep breath, tried to calm down and relax. The woman waiting in front of me said “People are always in such a rush! Slow down! You’ll get there!”. Then I felt sick. I thought “I can’t slow down! I have cancer! I’ll never be able to relax again!”. Nate would have killed me if I did, but I wanted to tell her exactly what was thinking in my head. No, I didn’t say anything, but I wanted to. The icing on the cake was when that same woman then asked the cashier for a pack of cigarettes. Dude! Stop smoking! 

I don’t smoke. I don’t tan. I don’t know drink. I’m a good person. I don’t want to have cancer, yet I have it. Now, I have to watch perfectly healthy people fill their bodies with toxins, and not have cancer. It’s not fair. I have cancer, I didn’t choose it and I really, really don’t want it. There are people walking around every day that don’t have cancer and they have the chance to avoid it, but they don’t. Please, please, please… do WHATEVER you can do to keep your body healthy, disease free and cancer free. I’m praying to make it past my 40th birthday, but if you put down a few cigarettes or whatever your guilty pleasure is, you’ll probably live past your 50th, 60th and most likely your 70th birthdays. I’m not that lucky.

Take care of your body, take care of your loved ones bodies. I want to be here to live a long life with my loved ones.

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One thought on “choices.

  1. Aunt Mary on said:

    Maggie – Thank you for sharing your story with us…you inspire me each time I read one of your entries. Love you so much!

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