maggie strong.

Not-so-normal.

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It’s been one week since my normal life became not-so-normal.

Last Thursday, I woke up late as usual. Nate gets a shower after I do so I tried to get ready as quick as I could to avoid the daily “Hurry up, you’re going to make me late for work”. I ironed his clothes and tie and was ready to get him out the door on time. My biggest concern that morning, as usual, was what to take to work for breakfast. Breakfast is a pretty high priority with my co-workers and myself. Hot sauce- everything goes with hot sauce in the morning, atleast we think so.

I was getting dressed and started feeling funny. Nate was ready to walk out the door and I wanted to explain to him how I was feeling. “Frink, frank, frunk.” According to him, that is what came out of my mouth. I knew in my head that I wanted to say “I think something is wrong” and clearly that wasn’t what came out. Probably 10 seconds later I felt good enough to go on with my day, but the only place I wanted to go was the ER, I just knew something was not right.

Nate drove me to the hospital and sat next to me for the 9 hours we were in the ER. He kept telling me I was fine, to be strong and that they would send me home soon. I had a CT Scan that the doctor said there was an area that they needed to look at further, so he ordered an MRI. How uncomforting was that to hear. I had two other MRI’s before and knew what to expect. I felt nervous and uneasy all day, but not overly concerned. After the MRI, I was taken to have an EEG done of my brain. Basically they put this stupid looking cap on my head to measure my brains activity. The test was supposed to last a half hour and about 20 minutes into it, some random doctor came in to the room to tell me that I had a tumor. Wait a minute, who are you first of all?! You tell me in the middle of a test when I’m by myself that I have a tumor, that my whole life is no longer what it used to be. I wanted to punch this bitch in the face and tell her to get out, quit talking and just get out. I had to sit there alone for another 10 minutes processing what I had been told, alone, in a dark room to finish this stupid test. I had tears in my eyes the whole way back to the ER. As soon as I saw Nate, he asked me if I was okay. I started hysterically crying and said “I have a tumor”. He hugged me and I squeezed him. It was the first moment that whole day that he showed any real concern. All I could sob into his hoodie was “I don’t want to die”, over and over. He called my dad to tell him, through tears of his own and the shakiest voice I have ever heard. They didn’t even say goodbye to each other, just hung up. And like that, I was left to take in the absolutely worst news of my entire, young life.

This past week has been like watching a movie, that it is frozen on the tv screen in a horrible, scary spot. You try to rewind it to try to get it back on track, but you just keep replaying the same act over and over, one that you already saw and don’t want to keep watching. I just want to fast forward to the end. I want to fast forward to the credits, and see Dr. Engh’s name next to “Hero”.

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4 thoughts on “Not-so-normal.

  1. stephanie hollar on said:

    Sweet Maggie Sobierajski (that’s how I remember you 🙂 ) hugs and prayers for you as you travel this journey. I’ve no doubt you still have all of the spunk and personality plus that you had in first grade probably more. You got this! I’m so sorry about your week and especially how you were told. :(( Not OK. Hang in there– know so many are praying for you and thinking of you. Mrs. Hollar

  2. stephanie hollar on said:

    I mean third grader!

  3. Mary on said:

    Maggie – your writing is beautiful and expressive just like you. Keep strong, keep the faith. Aunt Mary

  4. Karen Weece on said:

    Maggie, I am a friend of Betty’s. I am praying for you and have put you on my Reiki Grid. You are strong and you can beat this thing.
    In June 2011 my daughter (21 at the time) was diagnosed with leukemia. Sort of the same type of story as yours. She was sent to UPMC and they are absolutely the greatest. They treated her so well, but the most important part was that they downplayed the tragedy of the cancer. Their attitude was: “oh, this kind of problem, ok, here is how we fix this.” Then they proceeded to fix it. Today she is in permanent remission and cancer free. I know it’s scary and it’s heartbreaking, but it is also fixable.
    You know you are a strong healthy woman so don’t let this get in your way of the best life in the world – YOURS!
    Karen

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